I don't understand why I've done this. Is this really a post written by me. Wait. This is the post title. What am I doing with my post title. All messed up. Who cares. I love you.

I'm sitting here with a cup of tea laughing about a Twitter conversation I just read. One of the easiest ways to get entertained after a long day of shopping. I'm tired. I'm always tired, but for some reason I'm happy.
To my left my journal. It is waiting for me. I miss it and I feel like my journal is missing me too. But I can't write. Writing is hard. I'd have so much to tell, so much to discuss. Every time I start writing I quit after a few sentences. Leave the entry unfinished. Leave all the thoughts in my head. Everything that has to go out stays inside. It's painful. I'm happy though.
Easter break makes me feel so happy. Two weeks without university. As soon as I left university for the last time before the break 1,5 weeks ago, I forgot everything. All my worries. All the problems.
It's like a song. I turned down the music of my problems. It's still there, playing softly in the background. I just don't listen to it anymore.
How does it come? It's ridiculous. My biggest problem right now is, that I can't decide what to read next. There is a stack of books to my right. Which book? The Lovely Bones? I loved the movie, but will the book be good as well? Or should I go with Kurt Vonnegut? Or this book I found by accident at the bookstore and sounds simply hilarious? Or what's about Hamlet? Shouldn't I read some Shakespeare?
What is this about? Should I keep enjoying my break? It's nice. I love it. I started reading again. I love it. It's good. Reading books makes me feel so different. They way I talk is different. I'm a different person in a way I don't understand.
I'm sitting here with my cup of tea and think what people are thinking of me. People who read this and people who read my tweets. I say that I'm happy, so why do I tweet all the time how angry I am?
The nights. I fear the nights. Nights make me angry. Nights bring back all the hatred. And I hate it.
I'm scared. I'm happy and scared. Scared because I know the music will be loud again when this week ends. It will hurt my ears. It will hurt my heart.
Why can't it just stay like that. With the music in the background and a smile on my face.


Note #01: I usually avoid to write such posts, but it was necessary. This is not an excuse. I don't have to excuse for things on my blog (as long as I don't hurt anyone or whatever). Just saying.

Note #02: I had some fun with my last post. If you want to know what it is about, you can use google translate. Google translate is awful, but it helps to get an idea of what it is about.

Note #03: I wrote this post here, because I love my followers. One of my least favorite things to do is to talk about my feelings. So you better feel honord ;)

Note #04: ...i'm bold...