i'm a hotel scam.

I'm back at the beginning. At the very point I don't want to be. Not knowing where to go.
I currently don't even know where to go geographically. I like Graz nad I consider moving back there. But where's the fun in that?
One reason I wnated to be an Aupair was the adventure part. Living abroad. Learning a new language and the culture and traditions of the country. Traveling in my spare time.
Moving back to Graz means none of the above. It means getting another job in the area. Basically picking up my old life.
Sure. It would be different in certain aspects. New apartment, new job with new people.
But still. Same city. No new language. Not much traveling. No adventure time.

Despite the fact taht I have no clue what else I could do abroad I'm wondering if maybe, just maybe, it's best to stick around Austria for another couple of years until I'm absolutely ready.
I couldn't have done an abroad adventure after I finished school, although I would have loved to. I grew a lot personally since then, which made it more possible for me to take the step. The one across the border.
I can't tell for sure, but reflecting on the past 1,5 weeks makes me think that I'm still not ready.

I feel like one of these hotel scams. Awesome looking in the brochure, still under construction when you get there.
This short trip to the Netherlands showed me once again that I'm not "done" yet. There are steps missing in the staircase and for some reason the living room has no doors to enter.
Over the years I became a specialist in believing all the lies I put into the brochure myself.
But in the end we can't deny it. The hotel business won't go smooth until you finish the staircase and put in a door to the living room.

It pretty much doesn't matter what job I'll do next. As long as my hotel is broken it won't be the one.
Oh dear, I'm comparing myself to the hotel. If you know me well, you probably noticed how much I dislike metaphors. But for some reason I decided to go easy in this post. I will never do this again, I promise.

To sum this up. What's the plan?
- convince myself to move back to Graz
- find a job I can do
- start therapy

And you're very welcome to yell at me if I start avoiding the last point. And someone punch me for that metaphor.

It's a long way to the top...not only if you wanna rock and roll.

It's a long way to the top - AC/DC