a fine line between doing and doing.

"Life is a huge collection of trials and errors. Although we often only see the errors, never forget that you tried. 

It's hard for me to be constantly followed by failure and mistakes, but in the end I'm still proud of myself. Because without trying and taking the risk I would have never known what I know now."

That's what I wrote on my facebook wall yesterday and there's a reason I did. It's not just a general observation of mine. I wrote it, because I quit my job.

Yes. This job. And yes, after one week.

Why would I do that, you ask. Why after such a short period of time? Why did I "give up" so fast? Give it another chance, you say.

I totally understand it when people think I gave up too fast. But I don't really see it as giving up.

I tried it and figured out that this kind of job doesn't suit me. This doesn't count as giving up. For me, it's learning something new about myself. I figured out what I can do and what I can't do. 

Not everyone is made for every job. And I'm certainly not born to work with kids (at least not now. you know what they say. never say never).

There is a difference between doing a job correctly and doing a job with passion. I didn't do anything wrong during this week. I even got better, figured out how to do things. Tried everything my host parents suggested. I learned new words everyday, I felt like it was raining Dutch on my head and I soaked it all in. 

And the kids. They liked me from the first moment. So did my host parents. I was part of the family as soon as I crossed the door step for the first time.

This sounds perfect, right?

It wasn't. One big and very important thing (especially when it comes to working with kids) was missing.

Passion. Devotion.

My heart wasn't with the kids. I didn't enjoy it. It wasn't fun. I tried so hard to make it fun.

I openly talked to my host parents about my feelings and my problems. They are so nice and supported me. Tried to figure out a way to make it work. We tried for another two days, but I didn't feel it. It made me miserable.

It's so important to like what you do when you work with kids.

But playing with kids isn't fun for me. It's exhausting and annoying. 

I couldn't continue like that, it made every day worse and it felt like torture. I counted hours and had trouble not to start crying during work. 

We talked a lot and we came to the conclusion, that if I really felt that way about working with kids, it would be best for me to leave. We were all a bit broken hearted. But that's how life goes.

In most jobs it doesn't matter if you don't feel the "vibe". I also had some troubles when I started working at the grocery store. But it was different. I did my job correctly, but it took me several months to like it. It didn't matter that much. I could take the time, as long as I did my job well.

You can't do that with kids. If you don't like it and have a sort of negative appearance, they literally smell it (yes, literally. I'm 100% certain about that). Cheese and sausages don't have these feelings.

When it comes to how everyone treated me and how I liked it in general, I would have never left. I mean, I even met some other aupairs already and they were super nice too.

Now that's how it is. I don't know if this post makes sense. Although I can't stop anyone from judging me for my decision, I hope that this helps you a bit to understand why I did it. And why I did it after just one week.

So welcome back, myself. 
*insert massive sigh*