I walk a lonely road. the only one that I have ever known.

Responsibilities you have as an adult aren't just paying bills and making sure you don't die, it's also about getting rid of flour moths and plant lice, as well as solving problems of mysterious pieces of carpet appearing on your balcony.

I'm certainly not very happy about any of these events. But at least I can make up some stories about how the carpet got on our balcony. The plant lice probably used it as a flying device to invade our balcony and eat up our food. Our moths told them about the easy food access around here, since we still haven't managed to get those bastards out of our apartment since we moved in two months ago. 

For the making sure you don't die part, I'm doing pretty much not good. Okay, I'm no longer unemployed, but this gives you an apartment and some food. But basically that's only like the base of the foundation. Yes, that far down.

But hey, work is great. I like it. A lot. There are books and stuff. And I read again...and stuff.
Seriously, what am I talking about? No idea. So let's talk about the weather.
The weather summed up?
Well, a couple days ago it seemed to be a nice sunny day. At work, every day one of us has to go to the post office. It was my turn and since the weather was okay, I went by bike...I came back wet from top to bottom and had to buy new clothes, because I didn't want to work 5 more hours in soaking wet clothes. My underwear was wet! That's the wet I'm talking about.
Yesterday, it was my turn again. I took the bus, because the chance of rain is somewhere between 0 and 100% this summer. I ended up waiting for the bus for 15 minutes. The sun was in my face and I felt like dying.
Thanks a lot. This year's summer is like a neverending April.

I really like my job, though. And it feels so good to work again. I don't know if you've ever felt the same, but as long as I'm at work, I'm doing great.
Sometimes I feel absolutely terrible in the morning, either a mood issue or feeling sick or bloated and I don't want to go to work. As soon as I get there and start my day at work, it's all gone. No problems at all.
The moment I'm back home, a lot of it comes back.
It's both good and bad, I guess. It's good to feel good. But I know that it doesn't solve any problems. I'm just pushing everything out of my head during work, get distracted and don't have time to think about my life and what's going on.

Summertime is very lonely. More lonely than the usual loneliness. Summer is the time, when I'm forced to entertain myself on my own even more often than during the rest of the year. That's what summer is for me. It always has been like that. As a kid, as a teenager and now it's still the same.
It's the time when noone's got time for you. Most of my friends are out of town most of the time and/or spend time with family or other people.
As a person who doesn't make plans alone, I'm basically screwed. Not that I wouldn't like to make plans and go on adventures on my own, I simply can't. Something, approximately 95% of you won't understand. Which makes it even harder for me.
I get tired of talking about it. I tell people I'm constantly bored and lonely and all I get in return is something like "Then go out and do something. You can do everything alone as well. Sometimes it's even more fun alone! What's keeping you inside?"
I'm tired of this.
I guess I have to spend another summer reading and watching tv shows all alone in my apartment. That's my life...

I don't even know how long it took me to write this rather useless post. I wrote whenever I felt like writing down some bits of what's in my mind. These are the normal parts of my brain. The other parts scare me way to much to share.

I hope you have a great summer.

Only two more months to go...