in the sun i feel as one.

When I sat down for coffee last week with a friend and the first thing he said was "You owe the world a blog post" I was surprised that someone noticed and I added a sentence in my head that had a f-word in it and some other genuinely flattering words.
All apologies. What else could I say?
Not much has changed. My list of things to search for just got a whole lot longer.
My life is filled with a lot of sitting on my butt searching for rooms that are surrounded by walls and doors to go through. But in all honesty, all I want is a kitchen with an oven, to find my nest of salt. Whilst I cook my family's meals every other day, the amount of junk in my belly is increasing continuously. It's all about vinegar chips, chocolate treats and tea of all kinds.
It's about writing down appointments in my agenda at the wrong date, not finding an eraser that actually erases things and when I finally find one, I erase the one line that has been correct all the time.
More possible events I could join than actually serious business. Not a single job interview in prospect, but a whole bunch of fun little events carefully written down in the end, as if I would ever go there. Too shy and introverted after all, I move my butt on that chair, how is it not a part of me yet.
It's meeting up with 'old' friends again, you know the ones I had before I left for the Netherlands. They got the title old, because I left and came back. Everything gets old when you do that. And it's all the same. Not a single one has changed. It's all about talking and dates, that aren't dates at all. And wishing you would go on real date with someone. But who would ever do that? Neither married nor buried, I'm too shy and introverted after all, and only move my butt on my chair while writing down events I will never go to.
Annoyed by busses and a town that offers you nothing but a huge cherry tree in the sun - in the sun, I move my butt another time. No idea where to start looking for a job again after a two weeks break of not caring about anything job related. Only a job offer to become Lena's Personal Assistent when she gets successfull enough to be in the need of a PA. For sure this will happen, no doubts here. The her being successfull part, not so much me becoming her PA thing. But who knows. I could also take care of her garden, as long as I don't have to babysit her kids.
I have to fill my life with real things. Beside my old friends, there's nothing in there. I don't have a personal life. Or all I have is a personal life? I can't even tell. Like I said, it's all empty. The list is long. So long.
Everything is my fault. I'll take all the blame. Aqua seafoam shame, almost as bad as that it is.
I still owe you a blog post. This is one, I know. But not the one I owe you.
So long. I say. Still on this chair. Never leaving. All in all is all we have.