Sickness, Psychotherapists, Death by Cancer, Sniper with Air Rifle. (that's what that posts includes...)

(this post is very long. And there are probably many typos in it. I didn't read it again when I finished writing it. It's 2:30pm and I'm hungry. I'll probably read it again after lunch...until then...please ignore all kind of typos, weird structures or any other kind of mistakes. Thanks.)

It turned out that I haven't posted in two weeks. I sort of completely forgot about Blogger. I've only visited my dashboard three or four times and only read blog posts when someone tweeted about it. I don't know what happened. But there weren't any interesting events anyway. I'm just going to sum up everything here to bring you to up to date. I'll probably blog more again when I'm back in Vienna, which is next week.

If you follow me on Twitter you probably already know most of these things. You can either skip them or read them, because sometimes it's interesting to read the non 140 characters version of stuff ;)

I'm currently sick. Well, I'm already doing a lot better, but I've been sick the last couple of days. I had a high temperature. On Sunday I first sweated like crazy, which is good if you have fever. But then all of the sudden my whole body was shaking and I was freezing. It was awful. I was covered with a warm blanket and still I was freezing and then my mom came home from a walk and came into my room wearing a summer dress :/
Two hours later I was sweating like crazy again. All the fever is gone now, but I'm still a bit weak.

Let's jump back in time a bit. Three weeks ago I started a new psychotherapy. It was about time again, after 2 months without a psychotherapist. It's psychotherapist 3.0 now. Or 2.0 or 4.0, depending on how you count them. I prefer 3.0. I count them as 1.0, 1.5, 2.0 and 3.0, although 1.0, 1.25, 1.5 and 2.0 would be more accurate. (Why am I so weird?)
Aaaanyway. I've been there twice so far. The first impression of my new psychotherapist was a really good one. I liked the way she asked me question when we first met and that "What's your problem?" was NOT the first question. It's like the most annoying thing ever. It makes me feel so uncomfortable when I meet a new psychotherapist, who are all strangers to me and as you know one of my problems is that I can't talk to strangers (oh, how fun) and then they say "Hello" and next thing they say is "Why are you here? What's your problem?" uargh.
Here's a tip in case you ever need a psychotherapy and you're not a big talker, think about what you're going to say when they ask you about your problems and prepare as much as possible. They tend to ask you the question and then stare at you for 10 minutes while you are supposed to tell them about your whole life (or whatever) and they only make some noises like "mhm" and if there's nothing left you have to say, there's awkward silence and they keep staring at you making "mhm" telling you that you should keep talking.
Yes, psychotherapists really are like that, that's not something the film industry made up.
Of course, not all of them are like that. At least I hope so. And I've met 'only' four so far...
Back to my new psychotherapist. She seemed to really nice and I told her about all my problems and then I was really looking forward to the second session...and was disappointed afterwards. The same thing as always happened. She started to talk about my family, my family, my family and did I mention my family?
The thing is, that I didn't mention my family as a problem at all. I know that my family is...hm...I don't know how to describe my family...weird or something. It's not how a family should work, at least I think it's not the point of a family not to talk to each other. (nice example: my brothers never ask me how I'm doing. I can't remember if they've ever asked me "How are you?" Not even when I'm sick. If they want to know how I'm doing, they ask my mom...and I don't really tell my mom how I'm actually doing (emotionally, not when I'm sick), so I have no idea how they think I'm doing). But I don't care about my family situation. I don't have the wish to change it. I'm quite pleased that they leave me alone and I grew up like that and my plan for the next years is to fix my life, be able to live on my own, be able to work and be able to find friends. I'm not able to do any of these things right now, which is crap, because on the one hand I want to leave this house asap and live in my own apartment, but right now I'm not able to get out of that situation alone, so I need the help of my parents. I mean, I'm not even able to call a psychotherapist to get an appointment. My mom has to do these things for me, because strangers and especially calling people scares me. It's annoying. But I'm thankful that she does it, even though I have some issues with my mom (not going to talk about that...this post is already like kilometer long...).
But honestly, I could cry when I think about all the people social anxiety disorders out there. What if they are all alone? Not everyone has a mom or a good friend nearby who calls psychotherapists and comes with you for the first session because you wouldn't go there even if you already managed to get an appointment. (that's what would happen with me. So far my mom (and once Lena) came with me when I met a new psychotherapist. I wouldn't go there alone. It hasn't happened with psychotherapists, but it did happen with job interviews. I ended up in bed crying, because I was too scared. It's the worst thing ever). Who helps these people who are all alone? Who helps people who can't pick up the phone? Who helps people who are to scared to talk to strangers? They need help! But how? It makes me sad.
Okay, so my new psychotherapist talked about nothing else then my family, because apparently every psychotherapist thinks it's the most important thing on the earth to fix my family. And how do you fix my family? Right, you commission the youngest daughter of the family, who is depressed, hates her life and can't manage to get along alone with trying to fix the whole family situation. Sorry, but isn't that mission a little bit big for me? I don't care that much about my family situation and if someone thinks it should be different then they should send my whole family to a therapist, not just me. Because that's a problem between all my family members and not just me.
If she's going to keep talking about my family next time I'm going to complain about it.
I know that my family is probably also a reason why I'm doing like I'm doing, but I don't think it's okay to focus on my family and nothing than my family.
Sorry, that was a quite long story about the pain of psychotherapists. I could talk about them for hours...

Let's move on to something more exciting...which is not the case. I feel like only bad things happened in September. For example one of my best friends' mom died 1.5 weeks ago. She had cancer (again). She was diagnosed only about four or five months ago and everything went so fast. And she's only been 42 years old. It's terrible. She was such a friendly and warm-hearted person. I'm going to miss her :'(
And I have know how my friend is doing now. I haven't talked to her since August 1st. I really hope she's doing okay. I'll probably write her an email or something soon. I didn't want to 'annoy' her right after her mom died.
Quite a lot people (and animals!) died recently. I wasn't really close to any of them (except my grandpa who died in April), but it's really sad when they die and you'll never ever talk to them again. And it's so sad that when I'm going to visit my friend next time her mom won't be there and her dog won't be there either. Her dog died a month ago...from cancer.

Last bad thing before I leave you alone (congratulations if you made it that far). As I'm going back to Vienna next week. I was really looking forward to Vienna. It also means that I have to go back to my apartment where I feel amazingly uncomfortable and stuff, but you know...that's more or less okay. So I was looking forward to Vienna until my mom told me about a week ago that she heard on the radio that a sniper with an air rifle is going around in Vienna shooting at people from his car! Oh my freaking gosh! D:
I think it was the correct reaction to PANIC! I calmed down again a bit, because you usually don't die when you get shot with air rifle (unless you get shot in the eye...). Still, it's freaking scary that there's some crazy dude who shoots at random people. He shot about 18 people so far.
I hope they find that guy soon. Also there's always the risk that he switches to a real gun. I have no doubt that someone who has no probably aiming at random people wouldn't have a problem doing the same thing with a real gun.
So, I really hope I won't get shot.

That's it. Last last thing. In case you're wondering how my psyche is doing. Right now, I'm doing pretty good. Which doesn't mean that my problems are gone. I just done give a damn about them right now (which is most likely the wrong thing to do).

Have a wonderful day. And I hope your September was a full with awesome stuff.