"Maybe we should be like trains sometimes."

Please don't be scared by the length of this post. I had the idea of posting one of my journal entries a long time ago. The problem is, that I usually write my journal entries in German. And I tell you, translating what I write in my journals is almost impossible. Translating it without losing the character of my writing is impossible for me.
It happens from time to time that I write in English (sometimes my feelings and thoughts come in English...I spend way too much time reading and writing in English). So I decided to write in English today and made the decision to post it. I didn't expect it to be that long. Sorry for that.
I talk about last night, the speed of the internet and life, the beauty of train rides and why we should be like trains sometimes. And other random things.
If you want to read about this, you're welcome to continue reading. :)
One more thing: Not everything in this post seems to be logical. I often write senteces completely out of context. I always write like that in my journal. Usually it's a lot worse than in this post.
Please ignore incorrect grammar, weird sentences and typos (I was a bit lazy at proof-reading this whole thing).
Enjoy and feel free to share your thoughts :)

"Sunday, 29.05.2011.
Going to bed at 2am? Nope. Went to bed at 4am.
I went to bed around 2am. 30 minutes later I was back online. I had the fantastic idea to change something at my blog, and when else to do it than at 2am? And as always when I really want to change something, Blogger's doing what it can do best. Sucking at being awesome.
I hate that, because I'll most likely forget about the idea of doing this thing with my blog pretty soon and most likely when I remember again, Blogger will be as supportive as always.
I could have gone back to bed after this disappointment, but you know...I didn't. Why should I? I got up again to do something, I couldn't do it, so why going back to bed without doing anything.
I don't know what was wrong with my yesterday, but I was super chatty. On the internet. Not IRL. I already talked a lot on Twitter before midnight, but chatting through the world is even more fun, when you do it late at night when your brain isn't working properly anymore and you feel kinda drunk and high even though you've never been neither drunk nor high.
I like that. I don't know if it was a good idea to log into Tumblr as well. It was okay that I reblogged too much, but it was definitely not okay that I came across "I wanna go crazy" - David Guetta. This is like the worst thing that can happen to me at 2:30 in the morning. Party songs and songs with catchy beats.
And damn you, internet! Why do you support YouTube at freaking 2:30 in the morning so I can't stop listening to a stupid David Guetta song. You should have kicked me out like you do it every time I want to watch a new Vlogbrothers video.
It's on repeat since last night. I can't stop listening to it. I hope to get over it soon, otherwise it could happen that I purchase it via iTunes. That's what happened with Lady Gaga and MIKA. I don't regret it. I just have to try not to buy too much music. btw, I'm listening to MIKA right now, I'm on the train on my way to Vienna. And this time I managed to open the window and there aren't many people, but 4 dogs and 6 bicycles and "Hey boy. Where's your girlfriend?" is a questions I'd like to ask this one guy. If you see a couple every week and then suddenly there's only one of them you tend to assume they broke up. I hope they didn't. Would be sad.
Where am I? I don't konw. What is this? Tauchen-Schaueregg? Wait, wait, wait, dang. No Ausschlag-Zöbern. This hole where the internet never works.
I hope to get away for a weekend in June. A weekend at the beach would be aweseome. I have to get out of here and see something different. I always see my hometown, Vienna and the train. I don't have anything against all these places, but if you see these things all the time and nothing else you get sick of it.
I'm kinda worried that I won't make it to the US in time. I mean, I'm 100% sure taht I'll make it to the US someday in my life, but I'd like to go now. I want to go there and hang out with Hope and Shaynie and I'm afraid that it is never going to happen and I freaking hate tunnels. I hope to have them as friends for the rest of my life, but the internet is a fast working place. Time on hte internet is a lot faster than in real life. Creating and forgetting goes hand in hand. It's a constant process of discovering stuff and saying "Awesome, and now let's move on". Nobody will waste his/her time thinking about what you tweeted two days ago. Nobody cares what you reblogged a few hours ago on Tumblr. Maybe some people do, but most of them don't.
That's why I'd like to go to the US and meet the people I want to meet NOW. I love the internet. I often (often often) love it more than my life away from the computer, but at the same time it scares me. I feel like if things that are only based on the internet, which can only breathe and live through the internet, can float away so easily. Float away and never come back. I also hate bends.
I don't like the whole rushing of the internet and I don't like it taht it makes me rush even more in real life. What I should do is calm down and be confident enough to believe that i'll still have my awesome friends in two or three years when I probably have the money and courage to fly to the US.
But I don't have any of these things.
i have so much hope that my life will be different by the end of the year. I really believe in it. And I don't know how much different everything's going to be, but I hope to be at least happy and I hope to do something with my life that I actually like. And get out of university asap.
Maybe I can deal with the speed of the internet then and enjoy it the way I do it now but with more hope.
There's water in the parched river. A thing I've never seen before.
I seriously have to pee. Excuse me for a moment.
Dang it, there's someone at the toilet since like forever.
Not anymooore.
Back. Do people always have to smoke on train toilets? Do they? Do they? Do they?
No, they don't. But they will as long as train toilets exist.
Wr. Neustadt. Ja, ja. That's good. It means only 30 more minutes and also, there'll be an end. The end of another uneventful train ride, the end of this journal entry and probably the end of many other things I don't know about.
And it blows my mind that I'm listening to Any Other World. It blows my mind because I'm writing about the end and Any Other World always makes me feel sad. Train rides make me sad as well.
I love them. I love how you move through the world and the world moves away from you. I love how you can focus on different things, make the world blurry, let bricks melt together. I love that.
You can do the same thing in a car, but trains move through much more fantastic places and trains calm you down. They're going through the world steady and gentle. Without a hurry.
Maybe we should be like trains sometimes.
I'm impressed by my own writing. When I started writing I thought it's going to be a fast one. One with many jump-cuts. Instead I went deep inside me and wrote what has to be written. Isn't it like I just said? We need to get away from the "let's move on" and calm down instead from time to time.
I think I should stop this. We're almost there. This made me sad, but it feels good.
I said so much and still, there is so much I should tell you. You know that. But you're patient and forgive me every time. Thank you.
See you someday, somewhere.
And I bet it's someone's birthday today. It feels like a birthday. But I can't check it. What a pity.
P.S.: Sorry, 5 dogs."



Have a nice week. Bye.