Thoughts from deep inside or just: Day 24 - Day 25 - Day 26 - Day 27 - Day 28 - Day 29

Day 24 - a letter. A letter to my parents.

Dear Mama and Papa!
You don't read my blog so you'll never read this.
But thank you for being amazing! I know there were times when it was hard to talk to me in a normal way, but I appreciate it, that you never gave up. Thank you for everything!
Love you!
Antonia

Day 25 - my purse. What I carry around with me all the time.

*Click* I did this just a couple of weeks ago. I don't want to re-do it, because nothing has changed.

Day 26 - friendship. What friendship means to me.

Friendship means much to me and it is one of the hardest thing in my life.
I have problems in getting new friends. I don't understand how to do it. For example at school/university or any other group. Imagine you are part of a group and you don't know each other. I can't understand how some people can speak to each other and become friends so quickly. Just after seeing each other for an hour or something like that. It's impossible for me!
People sometimes say I'm shy. I am not shy! Okay, maybe a tiny bit. The real problem is that I can't speak to strangers.
When I first meet some new people I prefer not to talk much. I just want to see how they are and how their characters are. That's important.
Then after some time I would appreciate to talk to them...but that hardly ever happens.
I'm at university for a month now and I think I have talked to 5 people and of those 5 people only 2 are people I talked to more than once.
What's wrong with me?
I'm always the girl who sits alone somewhere during the lesson. Nobody  (except those two new (more or less) friends) ever chose the seat next to me if there are more chairs free.
Why?
Most of the time I don't have problems with it, because I love to be alone. But friends are important and eI need friends too!
I would love to hang out with friends and have fun. I would love to know someone whom I can call whenever I want to talk. I would love to do crazy stuff with someone. I would love to tell someone everything about me...
But I can't. Because I don't have friends like these.
At the moment I don't have friends where I live. I have friends on the internet, two of my friends from school are in Sweden, one in Graz (a city in Austria), one awesome friend in Germany and that's it.
I'm alone from when I get out of the bed till I go to bed. Except for those 6 (or something like that) hours per week when I meet those "new friends" at university.
I miss having friends.
But honestly. I never had friends whom I saw a lot outside school. My friends from school were friends from school. I saw them maybe 10 times a year outside school. That's not much.
I could talk about this topic for hours. Honestly.
I had long late night discussion about this with Lena and Ines.
I have to stop talking about it now. I would love to talk more about it, but it's getting too long...way too long...

Day 27 - the why. Why I am I doing this 30 day challenge?

Because I like the idea of posting every day. I read about the challenge at Kinsey's and Hope's blog and I decided to join the fun. And it is fun!
I also did it, because I wanted to blog more. Before I did the challenge I blogged only once or twice a week.

Day 28 - then and now. A picture of me last year and now, how have I changed since then?

 then: november 2009

now: october 2010

I have not changed much, but I have changed.

I am still like I am in the first picture. 

Well, I'm wearing glasses in the "now" picture. I don't use my conacts that often anymore. I have very sensitive eyes...

My hair is longer. 

That's what you can see from the pictures.

One year ago...hm...I can't remember.

I had no idea what to do with my life. Now I know (or let's say, I have an idea).

But all in all I am the same. I still can't talk to strangers, that's why it is almost impossible for me to get new friends. I still love to be alone somewhere outside. I still find human beings quite amusing. And there are still only a few people who really know me. Actually only one person and this person does not know everything.

I think there is nobody who really know how I work inside, but they do not care, because I do not talk much to people, so they do not ask and so on...

It is sad at the same time.

I am rambeling again.

Sorry.

Day 29 - lessons learned. What have you learned in this past month.

I learned, that it is possible to post every day and it is fun to do. I didn't post every day, but this is my 37th post this month and I enjoyed to write every single one. Blogging is amazing!
I have some great ideas again for my blog.